


Knights Anonymous

by BreatheToDie



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Mythical Drinking Problems, Not So Mythical Other Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-10
Updated: 2013-12-10
Packaged: 2018-01-04 06:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1077916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreatheToDie/pseuds/BreatheToDie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur thinks it's about time they dealt with Merlin's drinking problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knights Anonymous

Week 1:

"Arthur, you can't be serious!"

The blond in question crossed his arms, raising one challenging brow and tilted his chair back on two legs. "Merlin, I am exceptionally serious."

"But Arthur!" Merlin whined, arms flapping as if to exude his discord. "You can't just-"

"I can't just what?" Arthur demanded, chair snapping forward as he sprung to his feet. "I am your king, and as such if I were to command you to dance as an ape in the circus, a dancing ape you would be. You are to attend-"

"But-"

"Merlin!" Arthurs palms slammed against the oak table, "This is for your own good. I have already discussed it with Gaius, and we both think it is for the best. Although he seemed oddly amused by the prospect." The kings eyes drifted away, face contorted in confusion. "Anyways, you won't be alone. You need not worry."

Merlin skulked forward, "My Liege, I am but your humble-"

"My mind has been settled, Merlin. If you are not there tonight, I will have you in the stocks tomorrow morning and after that you will polish every knight's boots in Camelot. This will stand for every Thursday after in which you do not attend. No amount of groveling will alter it, but please, be my guest and continue. I find it a great source of amusement." Arthur smirked when he caught his servants disbelieving gaze. "Do you understand, or does your puny brain require that I repeat myself?"

Merlin glared, but calling forth his most polite I-am-being-disrespectful tone, spoke, "Yes, my king."

"Glad we could come to an accord. Now, fetch me my horse and round up some Knights. I have some business in which I must enquire outside of Camelot."

With that, Arthur swept out of his chambers, his confident, swift footsteps resounding throughout the castle.

The young warlock huffed, gathering some supplies for his King. " _Glad we could come to an accord_." He scorned in a pitchy voice. "Clotpole."

 

MERLINMERLINMERLIN

 

Merlin strolled down the darkening halls, deliberately taking the longest route possible to the designed room for his first K.A. meeting.

After seeing Arthur off on his excursion, content in the knowledge that Gwaine and Percival were at his side, Merlin had stalked through the castle leaving a mess in his wake that would rival that of a tornado's in search of his old mentor.

"Gaius!" He had hollered when he spied the man crouched before a young peasant, hand against her flushed forehead. The child had jumped at his shout and her mother glared lividly at the approaching boy before Gaius drew her attention.

"It isn't anything to worry about yet but I would like to prescribe a mild cold draught to bring down her temperature. I will return in a days time to ensure all is well." Gaius was saying, presenting a small bottle of orange liquid.

The mothers words of thanks were lost on Merlin as she hobbled away.

"Gaius! What have you and Arthur been conspiring about? A convention to address my developing case of alcoholic behavour!" Merlin demanded, more exasperated rather than furious. "He has condemned me to weekly sessions to tackle the issue."

"I know." Gaius had spoken with ill-hidden mirth. "He came to me to purpose his riveting solutions to your arising plight this morning."

Merlin blinked when Gaius began to hum as he ambled away. "And? Did you not think to inform him I am well and in no need of assistance on a matter which you _made up_!"

"I believed it best to follow through with your backstory. We can't have him becoming suspicious, now can we?"

"So you agreed to this unjust form of intolerable torture." Merlin inquired as he caught up with his mentor.

"I thought it for the best, yes." Gaius sent him a surprisingly cheeky grin. "After all, this dipsomania mannerism of yours is inconvenient."

Merlin was left gaping like a fish, to which Gaius commented "You trying to catch flies, Merlin?"

Now, though, the sun was down and on threat of being pelted with fruit (and potatoes, which _hurt_ ) before having even more pointless work than usual, Merlin steered towards the meeting room. That didn't mean he had to be happy about it, nor did it entail that he had to scurry there.

He was going to take his damn time.

The warlock stopped and talked to just about anybody he passed, going as far as to go out of his way to intersect them. From one of the maids to the awful head-cook, to even the guards, but they only glared crossly at him before marching on.

Merlin was content with being fashionably late in a way in which he knew would just irritate the balls off Arthur, before he ran into Gwaine.

His enthusiastic smile swiftly fell at the sight of his very chatty, animated friend who would no doubt keep him inadvertently preoccupied for a long period of time when the man smirked and said, "So I hear you are to be present in a council to manage your excessive drinking. Looks like you're a bit late, mate."

Of course Arthur, the smarmy bastard, would inform just about everyone of his servant's ordeal. Merlin should have assumed so when he found out the King was heading out with Gwaine and Percival. It would be too sweet an opportunity for Arthur to miss.

"Not a word!" Merlin snapped, stalking off purposely for the meeting room.

"Have fun!" Gwaine called amidst over-enthusiastic sniggering.

Arthur, as Merlin predicted, was pacing in a rage when Merlin entered the room. He was surprised to find a few other Knights he recognized by face there, along with the Geoffrey, the court genealogist. After a short session of insults on his tardiness, Arthur stormed out.

It was a good fifteen minutes of awkward introductions ranging from, "I am Sir Darwen, and I am here due to my addiction to a lustful plant which I am not to name which has apparent negative influence over me." to "I'm Winslow and I can't stop bedding beautiful maidens." before the door to the room slammed open.

To Merlin's utter glee, Gwaine was stooped in the doorway, sulking. He trudged inside, completely avoiding Merlin's insistent stare. He flopped into the seat to the right of his friend, arms crossing against his chest and head sinking into them in a manner that reminded Merlin of a pouting child, (or a pouting Arthur).

"And you are?" Winslow queried in a wheezing timbre brought on by his old age ( _sure he's bedding an excessive amount of 'maidens'. As if_ ).

Gwaine glared through his fringe for a prolonged amount of time to the point where Merlin was about to pipe in with some insulting jeer when he finally mumbled, "I am known as Gwaine, Sir Gwaine to you lot, and I have been coerced into attending by our charming King due to mythical intoxicated sightings and sexual escapades. He is of the inaccurate opinion that I need help. Long live King Arthur." The last was spoken with no hidden amount of spite in a way that only good friends can project. "I do not expect you will see me here in the weeks following."

Merlin sniggered in a way Gwaine had done to him not so long ago, which earned him the evil eye from said man.

These meetings just became ten times more diverting. Maybe this obligatory weekly suffering wouldn't be as bad as he first thought.

Merlin and Gwaine proceeded to spend the rest of the union of Knights Anonymous tossing silent taunts and jibes back and forth.

Not too bad indeed.


End file.
